Life Becomes Real Through Experience
JillianChristy
the Boundaries Babe
Personal Boundaries Coach
Motivational Speaker
Author
"YES" Made You Fall In LOVE, Make It Last Saying "NO"
Hi, I'm JillianChristy.
I have been in the business of helping people for my entire professional life.
I started my journey as a Registered Nurse and continued on that path for 28 years, until a devastating injury forced me to leave my surgical nursing career and reevaluate my path.
The coaching world naturally called me, so I explored courses from ICF and became a Certified Transformation Coach. I've since worked with men and women, coaching in nutrition, emotional intelligence and life skills, eventually finding my specialty in personal boundaries. The evolution of my coaching career has provided me with opportunities to work with some amazing individuals and couples.
I've combined my training, practical experience and proven techniques into a signature program that supports couples in crumbling relationships. Integrating boundaries, I help couples reignite the passion to create a powerful new foundation for their relationship.
At age 52, my life was spiraling.
I was building a business. Finances uncertain. Marriage chaotic. Life was filled with anxiety and
I was facing the possibility of a
4th failed marriage.
My husband and I were so excited about our new life together. Our initial connection was magical, like fate brought us together. We had much in common, from the first time I heard his voice, I knew he was the one. When he leaned in to kiss me, it was perfect in every way; one of those kisses that makes your knees weak and lights your thighs on fire.
It didn’t take long for us to finish each other’s sentences, cook together, and connect on a deeper plane. Life was incredible and it was easy to say, “YES!” when he asked me to marry him. The excitement of spending our lives together paired with the reality that his father was dying of cancer made planning an intimate wedding ceremony a priority. We had a picture-perfect sunset ceremony on the beach and began our lives together.
As we navigated blending our individual lives into our new-found family, all was fine for a time, until suddenly it wasn't. Between work schedules, individual obligations and other responsibilities, our relationship was on the back burner more often than it was a priority. I had been here previously and each time, the relationship ended badly. In my heart, I didn’t want this relationship to end. I felt like I was fighting an internal battle with my heart, mind and soul. Despite our attempts to talk through the problems in our relationship, one of us inevitably ended up shutting down. We found ourselves extremely discouraged. Doubting the possibility of ever really growing together again.
Day after day, my mind filled with questions about how and why I was struggling with yet another marriage. I wanted things to change, I desired the connection we once had, yet even the most simple things felt impossible. I turned to self-help books and videos, but nothing seemed to make things better. I prayed for things to change and desperately awaited an answer.
Instead, I turned to my familiar coping method and I threw myself into work.
Yet again, I found myself in bed with my business instead of my husband.
It Happened For Me
How often have you looked back to see the recurrent patterns in your life?
When struggles began in my relationships, I always tried to make things better. I would go above and beyond to do what I could to fix the problems. I’d find myself frustrated, exhausted, lonely and sad that I couldn’t find the solution to fix the relationship. Yet time and time again, I threw myself into my career because it was an area I felt comfort in knowing I could succeed.
It started with working an extra hour here and there, which led to extending my work day just so I wouldn’t have to go home to face the reality of my situation. This habit became my “go-to” way to cope and was not only hurting my relationships, it was also hurting me.
In 2020, the disconnect between my husband and I was at its peak. We were locked down at home in the midst of the pandemic and I felt powerless to fix everything that felt broken. As always, I fell back onto my usual coping routine and began working on my business almost 24/7. Whenever I wasn’t working on my business, I was immersed in personal development in the hopes that some breakthrough would give me the inspiration I was desperately seeking to be able to repair my relationship.
In September of 2020, I found myself separated from my husband, aware that I had work to do on myself, and wondering why once again I was in this place. The day I moved out of our shared space, I made a commitment to not avoid my emotions. Instead, I let them flow. I ugly-cried on a daily basis for quite some time.
Three months into our separation, we decided to meet for coffee. At the time, life everywhere was out of sorts, so much uncertainty and here we were trying to make sense of what had happened to our once amazing relationship.
We left that meeting with complete forgiveness yet a lack of clarity about what was next for us...Continued separation? Divorce? Reconciliation? Neither one of us had the answer.
Student Of Life For Life
When I arrived home that evening, I experienced a profound moment of introspection, one that completely changed my life. I found myself sitting in the middle of my bed as a meditative state came over me. As I pondered my failed relationships, the thought rose into my consciousness.
What do I need to learn to be the best I can be for my partner in this relationship?
I quickly turned to the internet for answers, striving to learn all I could about myself and what I didn’t know about showing up for my partner in my marriage. I released, learned and embodied being the best partner I could without compromising my authentic self.
Boundaries Became Beautiful
I found grace and forgiveness for myself in my realization that I had never been shown what a healthy romantic partnership looks like. From an early age, my life was rooted deeply in codependency and dysfunctional relationships. My parents divorced when I was young and my father passed away due to alcoholism when I was just 19 (he was only 40). I witnessed my mother battle through multiple failed relationships after him; she said she always carried a deep love for him in her heart.
I knew it was time to change the limiting beliefs that were keeping me from having the connected, loving partnership I desired and deserved. It was clear to me that I was being guided to make the necessary changes. I began to focus on how to become the best version of myself, rather than focusing on my relationship problems. This allowed me to better define and communicate my needs and desires to my husband.
The more we communicated, we began to find the connection we had once felt. We were hearing each other again and finding a new level of respect for each other and our relationship.
This changing trajectory was shifting my relationship and even the legacy we are leaving for our children. The deeper I looked inside myself, the more I gained self-awareness and self-confidence, giving me hope for a renewed relationship and a happy future.
I Am Worthy and So Are You
My husband started to see the changes taking place and decided to join me on the journey. We started learning new ways to connect, communicate, appreciate each other and rekindle the flame that had once been there. There was much to learn about being partners, friends, soul-mates and lovers. When challenges surfaced, we faced them together rather than bickering about them. Then something happened...
Suddenly, there was a spark, and then a flame, which led to a blazing passion to be in a relationship with each other. We discovered new motivation in the commitment to work on our relationship because it was now something we both desired and wanted to succeed.
Each day we continue to work on our relationship, finding new ways to fan the flames, connect, have grace for each other and keep our commitment to work on this with each other.
You and your partner are worthy of a life in which you make a choice for your relationship to be a priority.
The path of discovering the beauty of being in a relationship together and riding the challenges of life is a magical adventure.
The key to a wonderful life-long journey together is remembering why your partner is so special to you and what makes them unique and beautiful. This happens when you stop obsessing over the differences and start appreciating them. You have more in common than you think, and the differences are actually what balance you out.
If you are ready to stop the endless bickering and start communicating, stop the loneliness and start feeling passionately connected. If you are ready to leave work in the boardroom and be back in bed with your partner, then I have your solution.
Let me show you how you and your partner can effectively integrate boundaries into your relationship so you can start saying “NO” and begin saying “YES” to a life you both love!
The Boundaries Babe
My mission is to help successful couples who are in bed with their business and not with each other, rediscover the magic in their relationship by creating powerful boundaries and deep connection.
© Copyright Jillian Christy 2021.